Where do I begin?

Well, 2017 for me closes with a bang! Being spiritually awake, and conscious of my thoughts, emotions, feelings and deepest desires, I was expecting the Universe to step into my life sooner than later with some sort of a powerful event, to make me move forward in my journey despite my fears.  For the entire year, I’ve been kicking and screaming, stomping my feet on the ground, affirming in every cell of my body I wanted something, and then freaking out when I sensed it was getting closer- declaring I didn’t want it anymore. What I didn’t expect, however, was to be asked, in order to move forward, to make one of the most difficult choices I’ve ever had to make so far in my life: to leave England.

Living in England was one of my wildest and biggest dreams. I have dreamt of that since I was a child, and I finally manifested it into my life almost  five years ago. The only thought of the English countryside makes me vibrate in the depths of me and lighten up like the Christmas tree in front of the Rockefeller Center in NYC. My (almost) five years in England by myself have been the most transformative years I have ever lived- and I healed very profoundly on all levels (spiritual, mental, physical, emotional). This experience has completely changed the trajectory of my life, and it has had such a powerful impact on my whole being that having to leave so unexpectedly has of course brought to the surface a massive range of emotions. That I had to clear quickly, as I couldn’t afford to be slowed down by my ego with all I had to do.

I was in charge of emptying a fully furnished house and garage filled to the brim, face myself and detach more fully from materiality, organize an international move, pack and sell everything that was not needed anymore or that I had no space of in my new life (including my car, my Golden Retriever “Kim’s car”, I was emotionally attached to), in a span of 4 short weeks, and be home in Italy in time for Christmas.

From the outside it looked like an “impossible” task to accomplish- how on earth could I ever have it done on time and all by myself? Having to make important decisions, doing all that physical work, all the organization in less than a month? (Don’t get me started about schedules, plans, organization- I’m a Pisces woman after all! Hahaha).

Not that I was surprised about it, given my extraordinary spiritual growth of the previous years, I hadn’t an ounce of fear or worry in my heart and mind. I was angelic- looking. Completely at peace. Extremely confident, totally empowered! People who know me noticed and acknowledged that. They were so surprised, almost shocked by this fact- but I was not. The level of awareness and inner peace I’ve reached is remarkable…

So, what did I do? Instead of frantically starting to do something- anything-  I took time to contemplate the situation.

For a week, I did nothing at all but doing soulwork- meditating, journaling, resting, and observing the situation (and mountains of stuff everywhere) without judgment. I sent love and compassion to my younger me for having moved all that stuff not only from a house to the next- but from one Country to another. For having bought even more things I loved more without getting rid of what I didn’t love anymore. For not having planned/organized my work better (many, many, MANY things I had were craft or creative supplies and materials, objects of all kind with “creative potential” or that I used for styling and photography). For having allowed someone else to interfere with my decisions regarding what to keep and what to discard. For having agreed to rent a furnished property in the end, when what I had agreed to rent in the beginning was an unfurnished one- but then after some misunderstandings and impossibility to take out of the house various things, I agreed to keep them (and they took space). For having procrastinated again and again something I knew deep inside I had to face (declutter my life massively and release all that weight from my shoulders). For having accumulated so much- without facing my childhood wounds about “stuff” earlier. For all the money spent. I forgave myself.

Then, I asked for help, calling forth Spirit and all my guides and Angels.  I asked God to do it through me. As it was apparent to me that the situation I was in was divinely orchestrated, I knew I had to TRUST the Universe with all my heart to accompany me throughout the whole process, without fear of being let down halfway or of the outcome.

I was guided, sent enlightening ideas intuitively, sent the right people, the right conversations- and money started rolling in!!! It was unbelievable- if I wasn’t spiritually awake, I would have noticed, or thought of a mere “coincidence”. But exactly like the Universe suddenly interrupted the flow of money in my experience to force me to make a choice- off the top of my head- once I made the “right” one and committed to move forward with my journey fearlessly ad confidently, with what I know deep in my heart I have to do, I had all of the support (spiritual and material) to follow through! What a wonderful acknowledgment of the laws of the universe, and of what I know to be true!

For three weeks, I’ve been the happiest I could have ever been!

Yes, there was the emotional stuff to deal with, yes, there was the grief, yes there was the tiredness in the end (after weeks when I had lots of energy and everything happened almost effortlessly)- but I knew inside that I was doing the impossible! And it was freakin’ awesome!!:)

I considered it done, even when I hadn’t started yet! I feelt greatly, greatly empowered. I saw in my mind’s eye my deepest and really wild dreams getting closer and closer, I started having visions and receiving through my heart very detailed ideas about my Mission. I jotted down everything on a journal, marvelling at the magnificence of the bigger picture. I had such a wonderful time! Proof that we can be completely happy and feel great even in the middle of an unpleasant and tough situation. Remember what Dumbledore said? Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” — Harry Potter, J. K. Rowling.

This circumstance in my life was the catalyst of other wishes fulfilled. The biggest one, getting rid of all the things that were weighing me down, to live a more minimalist life, back to the basics! When you have a lot of material possessions, they are such a weight on your shoulders when you try to fly higher! I knew the time had come for me to fly higher and the amount of stuff that encumbered my life was too much for me to proceed in my journey. I knew I had to detach myself more and more fully from materiality, that it was a necessary relinquishment. I knew I was ready. I knew I really wanted that. Yet I found it difficult to release all the weight that I had to release. My ego kept making me procrastinate. “What if you need this? This is too good to discard. You love this one. You’ve spent a lot of money on this. You’ll regret that.”… You bet that with such a clever saboteur, you don’t go anywhere if you’re not vigilant and determined! Lucky me, in this case I had extra help from the universe, being forced to make choices very quickly, without time to think and weigh the pros and cons of each choice, armed just with my own instinct- and without much manoeuvring space. Hadn’t I found myself in the situation I found myself in, I would have never, ever discarded so much! I would have been thought it was unsafe- and that it was a shame, it was illogical, foolish, and would have felt very resistant- even if I desired to do so. Ultimately, I profoundly wanted to live a simplified life on all levels- particularly regarding the amount of things in my home. My Soul had guided me along this path already for years, and all year round. In fact, on January 1st, 2017 I had started a totally unplanned, spontaneous “Great Purge Operation”, to declutter my home! But I proceeded gradually, without the courage to detach myself from my possessions in such a bold way! There’s so much to be said about this, that it will probably be the subject of many other posts.

Together with this one, other desires manifested very quickly. I had had an annoying problem with my nails that caused me discomfort, frustration and concern for more than one solid year… and one day, I happened to remember about it- with all the hustle and bustle, I had completely forgotten! And guess what? Suspending my continued resistant thought about it, I noticed the situation was improving dramatically, until one day it had completely healed without me doing absolutely nothing!

The other deep desire that I had was the snow! I has started to miss it too much: it used to snow a lot where I used to live in Italy, and every year since I was a child, I got to go to the mountains and see it (and ski!). But in this part of England, it rarely snows, and usually it’s just a dusting that melts quickly. I had dreamt for five years of seeing the Cotswolds under a blanket of soft snow! Imagine my screams of childlike JOY when one morning I awoke to a WHITE WORLD! I could’t contain my excitement. And I shouted my gratitude to the universe from the rooftops! My Christmas gift. As wonderful as it sounds!

It was a lot of snow! Yes, it was unpractical. Yes, the streets were icy, and all the public transport blocked. Yes, the removal company couldn’t access the property on the day planned for the move, and it did just four days later. Yes, the two charity shop vans that had to come for collection of many pieces of furniture I donated couldn’t make it to the village- and one of them only was brave enough to venture along my snowy and slippery driveaway! All of this when I had to empty the house and hop on my plane to Italy one exact week later!

But I. did. not. worry. I refused to worry. I kept nurturing the certainty inside me that everything was going to be all right, and that I could even play for a few days with all that snow, and rest (sleep!!), and contemplate the Beauty. And have fun no matter what.

And so did I. Despite the 40- 45 cm of snow and the icy roads and the delays, the house was emptied on time, the charity shop van arrived, and I hopped on that plane. Exactly as I expected it to be. Without worry, without stress, without fuss. Just savoring life and all the unexpected surprises in it.

This circumstance that most people would have considered like a nightmare, was such a blessing to me!

I grew a lot, I purified my ego in the process, I made big progress, I had the opportunity of learning lessons in grace and love, and of seeing how good people really are. I was tremendously inspired and felt ginormously powerful, and able to acknowledge once again the magnificence of this universe, seeing the magic unfold before my very eyes full of wonder. And to acknowledge my (newly found, compared to when I arrived in England five years ago) ability to notice. And the tears. Tears of love and inspiration. And my (newly found too) willingness to express all my emotions with abandon and without shame in front of others. I allowed others to see my pain. I cried freely with friends and neighbors and acquaintances. They hugged me, they cried with me. And at the airport, I could no longer contain my tears and sobs I had repressed for all the 2 hours and a half taxi ride- and I let them come out and fall down freely while walking to the gate and queuing waiting to embark on the plane, caring nothing at all for what the other (many) people around me were thinking of me.

And from this place of my consciousness, I move on.

Monica xoxo

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Copyright text, images and artwork ©2008-2017 Monica Sabolla